Saturday, June 30, 2012

Dating: "So I have CF..."

"I have CF..." just say it!

So I have read some questions about relationships on a couple of the CF online communities and I've noticed lots of CFers have different attitudes when it comes to dating and when/how to tell a guy you have CF. Ha, it’s never easy... some respond with questions and some says "it’s cool". lol. You never know. But the sooner you tell them, the sooner they can accept it and learn how to deal with it, and you will be able a healthy relationship.

I am by no means an expert on relationships. However, here is my opinion and advice to fellow CFers, so they do not make the same mistakes I did.

I dated a couple guys in college, but I didn't stand up for myself (when it came to meds) and would always agree to go out (late at night) or travel to visit friends for a weekend. I wouldn't pack my therapies and I wouldn't take my pills in front of them. Basically, my health always suffered. I dated a few guys I had known since High School and it was easier (I didn't have to "hide" anything), but I still would put my health on the "back burner." My last relationship was the worst for me medically. My last boyfriend would hang out with me from the time my classes ended until like midnight...I would miss my therapies for the day and by the time he'd leave I would be too tired to make my stomach feeding. People started saying I looked thin, etc. and I did. I weighed myself on my parent's scale and I had lost 20 lbs. in two months... I had clinic in one month. The relationship ended and I worked hard on my health. I got my weight back before clinic, but realized I was not at a point in my life where I was ready to be in a relationship. I decided to stay single for at least a year and work on my health and figuring out myself (that was in 2010).

Cfers: Never, be scared to share or tell your BF/GF about your health. It will only harm your health and the relationship.
I look back at who I was a couple years ago and I can't believe I let relationships, plays, and other activities interfere with my health. You DON'T have to choose between social life or health! I can't give advice on how to deal with CF and a relationship, since I'm still single. I know from my mistakes what I should have done. Taking the time to figure that out made me tougher and even more determined to keep my health an active part of my life! I'm soo glad I understand better how to balance my social life (play practices, meetings, CIDF, church events, etc) with my Cystic Fibrosis!

And my hometown may seem boring, but it has given me a chance to figure it out before heading to Grad School. I'm so thankful for it. Now the only place for me to look is forward! Starting with my 5K goal! Then later on...Grad School.

BOTTOM LINE CFers: I found it hard going from hometown to college (everyone in my hometown knows). If I cough in my hometown, nobody notices. But if I coughed in Champaign, I'd get stared at and disgusted looks. It’s tough, but don't let it bother you and ESPECIALLY don't let it hinder you. Keep on top of your health and you can balance it with your social life. I promise! It just took me a little longer to figure it out!


*Added Nov 2014 - 2 more posts on dating: Click here to read my perspective & my boyfriend's

3 comments:

  1. I'm so glad you figured it out... and I know what you mean about not telling someone because it is (1) embarrassing and (2) a sensitive subject even in a healthy relationship. I have to say that I think this happens to A LOT of people in relationships... putting their health on the back burner. Even people who don't have CF or a mental illness or a terminal illness or something of that sort. People just tend to "let things go" when they get in a relationship, for various reasons. I think that it is perhaps the result of being/becoming co-dependent in the relationship... which is never a good thing... but sometimes happens without you realizing it. I have to keep a pretty strict regimen too, with the food I eat, when I eat, how much I eat, how much I work out, when I work out, taking meds, getting the appropriate amount of sleep, not stressing myself out too much, etc. It's all a very intricate matter in my life... and most men don't get it! Unfortunately, "getting it" doesn't seem to be enough to make a relationship last. They also have to be willing to "work with it" and stick by your side.

    The way I see it, if you are strong enough to assert yourself for your needs and wants, THE RIGHT GUY will be right there with you encouraging you and helping to make it possible... NOT trying to monopolize your time and energy for his own benefit. But that's just my point of view, I'm sure there are other viewpoints out there lol

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    1. Yes, I agree! (ps. it nots like my past BFs did anything wrong, I didn't tell them I when I needed to do meds). You are right about it having to with the right balance though. And yes, "the right guy" will understand about your eating/working out/stress, etc. Just like "the right guy" will try to understand/ and eventually understand my CF. There are plenty of guys like this, in fact a lot of my guy friends are perfect exmaples! :-) Glad you enjoy the blog and can relate so much. Love hearing from you!

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